My pussy is not your playground.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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