Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
