Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you had me at cake vodka
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
