How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
