I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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