and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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