Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
