What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
