Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
