i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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