Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
