Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is Oprah even human
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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