Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
