If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
