Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
