his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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