Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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