She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
