After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
