So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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