Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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