Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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