oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Houston, we have a blender
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
