Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
