I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
