Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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