i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
