i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
