Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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