they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
