I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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