Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
