Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
