Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
