Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
