You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
