the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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