Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
