How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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