Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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