Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
