if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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