I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
