dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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