Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
