my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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