please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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