apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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