Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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