was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
