Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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