she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
