i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
