I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
