Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
