i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
